Through The Looking Glass
by Mystical Machine Gun
Summary: Pain, painkillers, loneliness and then that someone sat next to you. You did not want him there, but needed him to support you even if it hurt. Naruto, are you able trust Sasuke - trust that he will carry you no matter what? SasuNaru, M for SEX
1. Chapter 1

Well, this time around I wanted try out a little bit longer and angstier story with actual connections to real life. Hmm, my inspiration was my dearest friend, who is my everything. I hope you do enjoy this one and feel that crushing feeling too so that in the end you can be set free. FEEL THIS. Hopefully you will share your thoughts about this one with me. I sound so depressing…haha. 

Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER SASUNARU/NARUSASU STORIES TOO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

**Pairing**: Sasuke x Naruto

**Summary**: Pain, painkillers, loneliness and then that someone sat next to you. You did not want him there, but needed him to support you even if it hurt. Naruto, are you able trust Sasuke - trust that he will carry you no matter what? SasuNaru, M for SEX

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).

_Through The Looking Glass_

Empires fall under one regime - madness. I think that is quite logical if you think back history. Yet, I feel all alone here. I am happy over the fact that no one at this university can see what I really am. I always wear long-sleeved shirts and I have my head buried in a book so that I do not have to talk to anyone. My clothes are loose and my whole appearance is sloppy - seems just fine if you think that I will become a librarian one day. I need my glasses in order to read and I need my medication, which both might actually seem like quite normal. Lots of people use medicine for their illusionary diseases, why would I not? I never wanted those little purple pills that remind me of dried plums.

I never wanted to see Doctor Amelia and her folded pants that are too perfect to even exist. I never wanted her sympathy nor did I want help. I was being saved without my consent. Everybody felt sorry for me, which was the reason why I stopped talking to people. I can fight my own battle. At the school cafeteria I always sit alone, since people do not know how to act around me. So they profoundly avoid me. Except this time.

A dark looking guy sits next to me not even asking whether it is okay for me. I look at him under my bangs, but he does not care nor does he glance at me. He has this big black backpack sort of thing with him and I wonder whether he has a mystical machine gun in it. Maybe he wants us all killed and I happen to be the first victim. He reaches for the black monster and I freak out a little. I just take my cigarettes, he says without looking at me. Did you think I would shoot you, he asks without really asking. So he actually has a gun there?

A guitar, he then continues and I am somewhat disappointed. My easy way out flew through the window although it was just a thought - but for a moment it was my truth. I keep my eyes on the plate across me; I have not touched my food yet again. You should eat, he sighs a little and takes out a knife, my secret saviour. The second the metal is out in the open my eyes glint together with it. What a fine knife it is with carvings and all. You like shiny things or just knives, he asks and I am about to choke. I did not know I was staring so concentrated.

It is beautiful, I say. I know, he says and brings the knife close to his face. Too close. Do not, I panic, but he just cuts some of his black bangs and drops them on the trail. It was hard too see, since those were in the way, he says neutrally. Did you think I would stab myself in the eye, he asks again without really asking. I just nod a little. It is not time for that - yet, he suddenly smiles. I am Sasuke Uchiha, and you? He now asks as if he was really interested. Naruto Uzumaki, but you will probably forget, I answer back. Probably, he says and moves closer so that I cannot help but to flinch. He buries his face in my hair and inhales deeply, if I forget your name, at least I remember your scent, he smiles and stands up from the table.

He takes his black mystery bag with him and leaves without looking back. His hair is still on the table and I am mesmerized from watching it. Without anyone looking, I gather those black hairs of his and put them in my pocket. I do not know why, but they stuck into my hand somehow. At home I have the urge to put the hair under my pillow.

The next day I sit on the metal bench in the park near the main building eating my lunch. Suddenly I feel another presence close to me and I take a look next to me. This Sasuke guy sits there and takes out his smokes. I feel a blush creep on to my face as I think that I took something of him selfishly and made it my lucky charm. I keep my head down and hope he would leave but he does not even move an inch. The cigarette lives between his lips and hypnotizes me totally. You are staring again, he says. Sorry, I blurt and turn my head away from the tantalizing scene.

I take my glasses off and scrub my eyes, since they hurt from too much reading. The book, he asks and glances at the paperback in my hands. It is just a book, I reply. No name, he then asks. No name, I say back at him. Hnn, he says and stands up. The class is starting, come, he says - not really asking me to follow but expecting me to do so. I say nothing and stand up. We must be an odd sight at the campus area; him walking relaxed and me as a ghost behind him. Secretly I watch his back that is wide and mysterious as the person to which it belongs. He is out of place here.

Want to get a cup of coffee after the lecture, he says. I nod although I know he cannot see it. Good, he says not even knowing my answer. I study literature, he tells me and I just cannot see it. So, a teacher then, I say. Not necessarily, he answers back. Oh. I do not have the foggiest idea what we are doing - what is this conversation we are having. Yet, we speak without words and understand each other without actually opening our mouths at all.

Our way to connect, to interact, never changes. Till today we are like strangers, but still more like friends. Is a sleepover okay with you, he asks me. What do you want to see, I ask back. The one I saw yesterday at the video store, he replies. Okay, I answer although I had not been in the store that day. I randomly pick a movie and head for his place. Just the right movie, he smiles and lets me in. I think he would have said it anyway.

We watch the movie, but I do not understand the plot. Why did that heroine do that? Why would she want to rip her own heart off and stomp on it? Maybe the movie had more depth in it than I realized or wanted to see, but I do not mind. She dies after all. After the movie we sit on Sasuke's bed and he smokes again. The air is thick with the smoke and I could cut it with a knife easily. Should I try? I lay myself on the bed and inhale the air; it tingles in my lungs, even burns. I have to close my eyes because the smoke hurts too much.

The window, he says and stands up to open it. The fresh air hits my face like a wave of pure concrete energy. Maybe he should know. Maybe he should be the first to know. I am under medication, Sepram and stuff, I say nonchalantly. I have a habit of deliberatively hurting myself physically, I conclude. He exhales the smoke and throws the rest of the cigarette out of the window. He turns to me and yanks me from my wrists. My hands feel so powerless and small in his grip.

Sasuke raises my sleeves and looks at my arms that are full of cuts and bruises. Take off your shirt, he says again neutrally and I do as he asks even though I am not obligated to do so. My body is full of scars and I feel somewhat ashamed for the first time in my life. War memories, I say silently and he trails the broken skin and markings on my back and chest. I do not know how, but my lips move on their own and ask him whether he wants to fuck me. Put your shirt on, he says and ruffles my hair. You do not want to, I ask and I feel rejected. It is not a necessity, he continues and says we should sleep.

**Comments? Thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2

Well, this time around I wanted try out a little bit longer and angstier story with actual connections to real life. Hmm, my inspiration was my dearest friend, who is my everything. I hope you do enjoy this one and feel that crushing feeling too so that in the end you can be set free. FEEL THIS. Hopefully you will share your thoughts about this one with me. I sound so depressing…haha. 

Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER SASUNARU/NARUSASU STORIES TOO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

**Pairing**: Sasuke x Naruto

**Summary**: Pain, painkillers, loneliness and then that someone sat next to you. You did not want him there, but needed him to support you even if it hurt. Naruto, are you able trust Sasuke - trust that he will carry you no matter what? SasuNaru, M for SEX

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).

We both sleep on the floor, two mattresses lying there. He sleeps back against me and I do not dare to ask him why he did not want. I know he looks at me sometimes, I know since I am always aware of the situation around me. He does not make a fuss about it; he just rests his eyes on me. Maybe I am his safe haven? The next morning I wake up my hair messy and I do not see Sasuke anywhere. Where did he…? Then the smell of bacon and eggs fill my nostrils and I basically crawl from the mattress to the floor and then up.

I walk to the kitchen and see him making breakfast while only wearing his boxers. His hair is like a bird nest and his boxers hang loosely on his skinny waist. Sit, he says without looking at me and I yet again do as he tells me. The wooden chairs are a bit worn but comfy to sit on. I slide my finger on the table until I reach my fork. He empties what is in the pan on to our plates and then settles before me. I look at him in the eyes and for the first time I can see that his eyes are dark, almost pitch-black. You are staring again, he says but now a smile breaks on to his lips. After a silence of who knows how long he opens his mouth again. You wanted me to fuck you, he asks his voice revealing nothing.

I choke on to my orange juice and it runs from my nose to the table. Geez, he sighs and gets a towel. He wipes my nose and face and I feel like a little kid. I have a girlfriend, he sighs then and suddenly my chest feels heavy. I have never been with a girl or a boy, so even if he had said yes, I would have not known what to do. Still, I feel inferior and unwanted. Without noticing I start to scratch the skin on my arms harder and harder. He yanks my hands from me and says "no".

Oh my God, did he see that? I cannot help that my eyes fill with salty water which is about to leak down my cheeks. Do not, I like you, he whispers and now my face is all wet. I cannot do anything to stop this stream of tears, this stream of rain drops, but he just moves next to me and embraces me. His warm arms encircle me and keep me steadily where I am, so I would not fall into that pit of nothingness that lurks behind me. Does he see it too? It reaches its claws towards me, ready to swallow me like an insect.

His hands calm me down and his steady breathing relieves the distress like painkillers. I press my head against his shoulder and inhale Sasuke. Slowly my hands relax too and stop the scratching, yet the surface of my skin is broken and bleeding. He shushes and gets bandage to cover the ripped skin. Sasuke's chilly and edgy fingers slide on my skin and I cannot help the shivers. No one has ever touched me like this. I close my eyes and let him do his magic with the first aid kit. When I open my eyes, he sits towards me his eyes seeking something from mine.

Come, he says sternly and I take the hand he offers. We go sit on his bed and he takes out his guitar. The Tokai Les Paul guitar is as black as his eyes and his long fingers hold it like a secret lover. I sit next to him and watch as he closes his eyes and lets the music fill the room. Yet again I am mesmerized by his talented fingers which caress the neck of the instrument. I wish I could play something too. Sasuke's eyes flicker behind the closed eyelids and I can sense how the music runs through us like quicksilver on a hot day.

Sasuke's figure casts a shadow that dances on the walls as he makes love to the music. Why do I not have such passion, such love in me? Was I built wrong? I lay on my back again right next to him so that I can smell his fragrance. The odour is a mix of comfortableness, laid-back attitude and something I cannot put my finger on. How happy must his girlfriend be to have such a wonderful person beside her. Does Sasuke touch her like he touches his guitar, with love and tenderness? It seems I need that kind of petting too. I so hope someone reaches and holds me too.

Somehow I fall asleep on the bed listening to him playing. I wake up to a hand ruffling my hair and stroking me slightly. He does not say anything, but he does not have to - his eyes laugh the most amazing laughter, like stars twinkling in the perfect midnight sky. I smile hazily back and he says that it must be the first time I smile. I am a bit amazed myself too; I just felt so good lying there. He is about the stand up, but I prevent it by grabbing the hemline of his shirt. He looks at me a little puzzled, but I give him my sincerest look and he sighs with a smile. He puts his guitar away and crawls next to me. He embraces me tightly and I know that at this moment I am utterly safe. He brushes my back and presses his jaw to my forehead. I am so close to him that I can feel his heart beating steadily against my chest and his breathing blows like a wind through my hair. Hold me like this forever.

An hour or so later I wake up in his arms and I look up to his eyes which are lively, yet somewhat concerned. I will live, I whisper, but I am not so sure whether he believes me. I stay the night at his place and we watch movies until we head for bed. Again I watch his blanket rise and fall due to his breathing and I wish I could stop the time and stay in this moment. We walk to school together not changing many words, which are not even needed.

At school the girls ask whether we would like to attend to their get-together-party today at nine. Sasuke looks at me and says "yes" to them. You need a change in environment, he says and almost drags me into the class. I am not reluctant to go, I just do not know whether there is anything for me. I am quite sure the girls wanted Sasuke to go and I am just a freebie the process. I let the judgement be his anyway; maybe I do need something different.

At eight my chest aches so much that it is hard to breathe. I do not want to go, I am not ready. There will be too much crowd, too loud music and I do not fit. I sit in my college pants on my sofa and the whole atmosphere in the apartment suffocates me. Then the doorbell rings and that cuts through the silence like a knife. I go to the door and open it. I see Sasuke lean against my doorframe in tight black jeans and in a black hoodie. I knew you would get scared, he says and lets himself in. I stand in stupor and he just heads for my closet. Put these on, he says to me and I look at what he shoves in my hand. I sigh, but decide to do what he says. I put on the red hoodie and my black pants. Sasuke looks satisfied and he orders me to follow him.

We walk side by side to Ino's house and I have to wonder why he did not take his girlfriend with him. She studies overseas, Sasuke says even though I know I did not say anything out loud. He must have read my mind or something. He slides his hands into his pockets and whistles happily and his whole appearance lifts up my mood. Maybe everything will be alright. We arrive at Ino's house and I can see how the house is living its own life with the people in having fun. We walk in and everybody greets Sasuke and he greets everyone back and somehow I feel so lost. He sees that I am about to panic so he takes me by the hand and leads in to the main room. Drinks, he says and orders to wait where I stand. While he is off to get those drinks I look around and watch people; how they interact, how they blend in. I feel like I am floating in the air, invisible, and I listen to these people talk, but they cannot see me. Somehow it feels exciting and new. I am a ghost behind the door.

**Comments? Thoughts? **


	3. Chapter 3

Well, this time around I wanted try out a little bit longer and angstier story with actual connections to real life. Hmm, my inspiration was my dearest friend, who is my everything. I hope you do enjoy this one and feel that crushing feeling too so that in the end you can be set free. FEEL THIS. Hopefully you will share your thoughts about this one with me. I sound so depressing…haha. 

Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER SASUNARU/NARUSASU STORIES TOO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

**Pairing**: Sasuke x Naruto

**Summary**: Pain, painkillers, loneliness and then that someone sat next to you. You did not want him there, but needed him to support you even if it hurt. Naruto, are you able trust Sasuke - trust that he will carry you no matter what? SasuNaru, M for SEX

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).

Soon Sasuke comes back and shoves a plastic mug in my hand and orders me to drink it with one gulp. Then he laughs and I know he was joking, I smile a little. Then suddenly his phone rings and he takes it from his pocket. Sasuke furrows his eyebrows at the caller's name and then excuses himself. I follow him, but so that he cannot see me. I can still hear him. It seems the caller is his girlfriend and they have some kind of a fight. Sasuke sounds tensed and he almost angrily answers back whatever he has to answer back. My chest begins to ache again and I am scared to hear him yell and shout.

I do what he told me to do earlier jokingly and I drink the liquid with a one gulp. Suddenly I get really dizzy; I did not drink that much, did I? What did I even drink? Then I remember that I am not supposed to drink. Alcohol and the medication are a dangerous mixture, I should know this. My stomach takes a turn to the definitive pits of hell and I fall on to my knees. My whole body shakes like an autumn leaf and I cannot get myself up. Someone shouts that there is a guy dying here and I almost laugh - if I could. Sasuke comes after finishing the phone call and sees me on the floor, people staring at me and panicking. Does he have epilepsy, someone asks out loud, but my mouth does not work so I could give them a decent answer.

Sasuke's eyes widen and he runs to me. He lifts me up and cups my cheek with his palm. My eyes began to roll backwards and all the power leaves my body like a genie from its lamp - slowly but steadily. Sasuke starts to panic and I can hear him swearing and shouting "what did he take??", but no one knows. He drags me into the toilet and pushes my head near the toilet bowl. I am about to doze off, but he shouts angrily that I have to throw up. I cannot make myself do it and I do not have the strength to tell him that either.

Sasuke probably sees this and does what he thinks is the best solution; he sticks two of his fingers in my throat and with his other hand he presses my stomach so that I do not have any other choice but to throw up everything. The salty liquid burns my throat and mouth as the stomach fluids come up too. Tears roll down my cheeks and my limb body is in the hands of a person who I trust most in this world; who I love most in this world. When there is nothing to offer to the toilet anymore I pass out because of the exhaustion. Save me, okay? Just this once?

I wake up in a bed, but it is not morning yet. Through the window I can see it is still dark, the room itself is faintly lighted and I blink a few times in order to recognize the place where I am. Then I see Sasuke sitting on the floor leaning against the bed. He has buried his head in his arms and I just keep watching him breathing there. It takes some time until he notices that I have woken up and when he does, the expression on his face lightens the faintest. He even smiles a little and crawls near me. Sasuke strokes my cheek gently and it feels so soothing that I have to close my eyes. Then suddenly I feel something warm and wet against my lips. The softness of the touch gives me wings and I feel I could fly. I open my eyes and I can see how his eyes are still closed and lips united with mine. Even after the kiss he still keeps his face close to mine and exhales in my mouth. My first kiss.

Then Sasuke opens his eyes and looks straight into mine. I must look a little surprised, but he…he looks like he wants to take the kiss back. His eyes darken and he releases my face from his hold. He then stands up and does not say anything except leaves the room. I just stay in the bed and run my fingers over my lips. My lips are hot and taste like Sasuke, I lick them and wish he would have never ended the bliss.

I stand up from the bed and close the door behind me. I walk into the living room where everyone is still having fun and partying. I see Sasuke sitting among everyone else and acting like our "something" never happened. My chest aches again, but for the first time I do not let it take over me. I look in his direction and I know he sees me. Our eyes meet for a brief second and I turn my sad face away from the scene. I want to go home.

I take my leave, but already in the front yard my legs give upon me and I collapse on four legs. The stream of tears is like a flood and my stomach starts to hurt again. I throw up and by that time everyone is already on the porch watching my abasement and laughing. Geez, the nerdy freak is drunk, haha, they laugh and point to me. I want to scream but the vomit has burned my throat and the tears have created beds on my cheeks. From the corners of my eyes I can see that Sasuke stands with everyone else looking stern and keeping silent. It does not matter still; there are thousands of worlds between us. I curl up in a ball and let the freshly started rain wash me away.

I close my eyes and wish I would die so I would not have to face anything anymore.

Then I feel warm and soft hands helping me stand, keeping me close. The fragrance of that person is vivid and I find myself pressing closer to that warmth. You should all be ashamed of yourselves, the voice shouts. It seems it belongs to a girl. She helps me off of the ground and gives me a sincere smile. I am Hinata, you do not probably recognize me, she smiles hazily. I smile as hazily back and let her take me to my home. I wake up in my bed and look around. This is my apartment and I am wearing my pyjamas and…there is someone next to me. The person sleeps calmly next to me on my bed, a girl.

I am sure we did not do anything but it soothes me to know that there is at least one person who is okay with sleeping in the same bed with me. You are in love with him, are you not? A voice asks me. I flinch a little until I notice that Hinata is awake and watching me from under the blanket. What?? I blurt back at her. You always cling to Sasuke like a baby monkey, she smiles a little. He is my best friend, my only friend, I answer silently. You poor thing, she says sympathy in her voice. I lay myself next to her and we talk about everything. Thank you for lightening my heart, I say to her and she says that anytime. We both fall sleep.

The next morning we wake up and I lend Hinata my clothes since she does not have spare. We make breakfast together and head for the university. Everybody looks at us warily and mostly at Hinata's clothes. Hinata just radiates like the sun not caring what people think. I envy her. Suddenly she takes me by the hand and squeezes. I wonder what is she thinking until I see that Sasuke walks pass us. Did he see that? Hinata just smiles innocently, but I am starting to feel nauseous again. In the lecture hall Sasuke goes to talk to Hinata before the professor comes in. I sit across the hall so I do not know what is going on except that Sasuke's expression darkens and he looks pissed off. Does he hate me that much? What was the kiss then? I turn my gaze away and bury my head in the books again deciding to push all the bad thoughts to the furthest corner of my mind.

**Comments? Thoughts?**


	4. Chapter 4

Well, this time around I wanted try out a little bit longer and angstier story with actual connections to real life. Hmm, my inspiration was my dearest friend, who is my everything. I hope you do enjoy this one and feel that crushing feeling too so that in the end you can be set free. FEEL THIS. Hopefully you will share your thoughts about this one with me. I sound so depressing…haha. 

Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER SASUNARU/NARUSASU STORIES TOO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

**Pairing**: Sasuke x Naruto

**Summary**: Pain, painkillers, loneliness and then that someone sat next to you. You did not want him there, but needed him to support you even if it hurt. Naruto, are you able trust Sasuke - trust that he will carry you no matter what? SasuNaru, M for SEX

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).

I sit in my apartment on my sofa reading the book I found from the library. Suddenly the doorbell rings and I go open it. Behind the door Sasuke leans against my doorframe his expression being somewhere between pissed and neutral. He just walks past me inside and does not even ask whether it is okay by me. Not that he would ever ask. I close the door gently and I just stand in the middle of the room since I do not know what I am supposed to do. He walks back and forth and seems to be thinking something really hard.

I decide to go back sitting on the sofa, but before I get to do that he asks whether I slept with her. My knees give upon me and I am damn happy that the sofa is under me. Why was she wearing your clothes, he continues his row of questions. He does not even let me open my mouth so I keep silent. The wrong question leaves my mouth accidentally as I ask "why". Now he looks really pissed and somewhat tired at the same time. He comes to sit next to me and I flinch a little since he looks so angry. Was Hinata a good fuck, he snarls and I do not even notice that I have started to scratch my skin again. Was Sasuke interested in Hinata? But did he not have a girlfriend already?

He buries his head in his hands again and pulls his own hair so hard his head yanks back and forth. No, I say and prevent him from hurting himself by holding his arms. Quick to save others but not yourself, he says almost crying. Then he presses his bruised lips against mine, slowly yet being somewhat scared. I drown in the kiss letting him lick my lips, and his tongue, which travels in my mouth, tastes like blueberries. I rub my tongue against his and my whole mouth is on fire. How I missed this…tears roll down my cheeks and his hands begin gently to slide on my arms and skin. He breaks the kiss and moves his mouth to my arms, sucking and licking the scars. My whole body shivers as his wet tongue explores the sins on my skin.

Sasuke pulls me into an embrace and I cry. He shushes at me and I sink my head into his chest. Let me inhale you…His fragrance fills me with energy, releasing the butterflies from my stomach. His chilly fingers sneak to unbutton my shirt and I do not resist even the slightest. My shirt falls off from my shoulders on to the sofa and Sasuke buries his head to the nook between my shoulder and neck. I…I want to save you, he whispers. I was so scared when you collapsed back then…I…I realized that you had become the most precious person to me, he continues. I cannot help the tears. Maybe it was all over with my girlfriend a long time ago and then there was you and…I kind of fell for you, his voice fills my ears like a birdsong.

I am so scared since I do not know what to do with these emotions. I want Sasuke to be near, hold be, but at the same time I want to run - like I always do. His fingers fumble their way on my skin and it feels so good and so scary. My body begins to shiver and that familiar flow of tears is falling rabidly along my cheeks and jaw. I am so scared, I sniff. He flinches a little at first and then shushes, sorry, sorry, we do not have to do anything, he whispers and strokes my uncovered skin. I am sorry, he sighs and pulls me closer to him. My face is against Sasuke's chest and I inhale the scent of cigarettes and cosiness. We stay like that for a long time him giving me little kisses to my neck and shoulders. Sweet nonexistence.

I feel like floating and everything bad seems to disappear without a trace. The path of kisses burn my skin; burn the evil off and I feel like I am exorcised. More, I murmur silently without even realizing what I am saying. His hands slide on my skin, conquering new territories and lovingly holding me. I want to be loved so badly that the feeling of need is carving itself into my heart. Sasuke moves his hands carefully on to my crotch and leaves them there as if asking permission. I nod shyly keeping my eyes closed and he unzips my pants with utmost care. Ever so slowly he slides his hand inside my boxers and his fingers feel chilly when touching my foreskin. I huff a little already and he begins to yank my skin back and forth.

It does not take that much time until the tip of my member is slick with precum and Sasuke's movements only grow faster. He jerks me off, kissing me the whole time, keeping me steady and I merely shiver like a leaf under his touches. My cheeks feel so hot and the bliss blinds me as I think that the guy, this amazing cool guy, is touching me, wanting me to feel good. Why? Before I can do or say anything I reach the peak and burst into his hand and in my pants. The orgasm is as vast and deep as an ocean, making my stomach hurt and I cannot help the moans that leave my lips like birds from their cages.

I feel drained but somehow content - yet, utterly guilty when I realize I was the only one being satisfied. Should I jerk him off too; what should I do? The nauseous feeling is raising its head inside me and my breathing becomes unstable. Sasuke just pulls me even closer so that our skin is almost one and whispers that I do not have to do anything. I feel good like this, he says smilingly. Then he kisses my eyelids and my forehead. The warm wave hits me and my head is light like a feather. Stay, I whisper as I yet again bury myself into him. Sure, he replies and we head for my bead. We both leave only boxers on and crawl under my blanket. Sasuke encircles me with his arms and we fall asleep holding each other.

This must be love, this must be what all the books tell stories about - the amazing feeling that one has found everything one has ever needed in that other person. Good and bad traits melt into one giant kettle of answers one never knew one needed. I have tried my best to get those answers; I think I want Sasuke to have them too. Being near him eases the demons in my chest and leaves more room to breathe. He is my salvation - but what I am to him? What are we?

I wake up in the middle of the night and watch Sasuke sleep contently next to me. I am so afraid this will not last, I whisper. Where are you tomorrow, what about your girlfriend? I do not want to admit I love that angel beside me, since it would mean that I am more vulnerable than I have ever been in my life. This is either a blessing or the deepest pit of hell. I have gone through shit in my life and I have always tried to keep my head high up until everything crashes down hard. Inability to handle pressure, mental issues and all that jazz, said the doctor. She was actually amazed how I could have survived until now without breaking like glass. Well, I am not a quitter and I just ended up locking all the bad things permanently into that black box in the back of my mind until I forgot how to feel again.

Now when I see Sasuke lying next to me, wanting to save me so badly…it makes me feel warm but at the same time it reminds me that the lock will not hold forever. If I fall, will you catch me, I sigh silently and he just mumbles something incoherent in his sleep. I brush the black hairs from his face and wish I could stop the time. I promise to be stronger, I promise to be it for you, I whisper into his ear and then I fall sleep again. The next morning when I wake up my mind seems so much clearer than before. Why are you looking so serious, Sasuke asks. I think I might stop the medication for good, I answer him. I have been taking and not taking those for years and I want to feel something again, I continue. Is it not dangerous to play with them like that, he asks then. Maybe, but before I had no reason to quit completely - the pills are the easy way out, I smile sadly at him.

**Comments? Thoughts?**


	5. Chapter 5

Well, this time around I wanted try out a little bit longer and angstier story with actual connections to real life. Hmm, my inspiration was my dearest friend, who is my everything. I hope you do enjoy this one and feel that crushing feeling too so that in the end you can be set free. FEEL THIS. Hopefully you will share your thoughts about this one with me. I sound so depressing…haha. 

Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER SASUNARU/NARUSASU STORIES TOO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

**Pairing**: Sasuke x Naruto

**Summary**: Pain, painkillers, loneliness and then that someone sat next to you. You did not want him there, but needed him to support you even if it hurt. Naruto, are you able trust Sasuke - trust that he will carry you no matter what? SasuNaru, M for SEX

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).

I took them when I felt I could not carry on anymore and stopped when things were better…until things were reversed to hell again, I sigh. I want to start my life all over again, you know, like tabula rasa…I tell him and Sasuke looks me eyes fixed on mine. I little smile breaks on to his lips and he says "_I know that you've been hurt before/ But don't you be afraid no more/ Throw off the chains that bind/ And leave the past behind/ When love comes knocking at your door/--/ You'll see a rainbow every day/ The sun will shine in every way/ Throw off the chains that bind /And leave the past behind/ No need to worry anymore/ When love comes knocking at your door_". It is that old The Monkees song, I smile at him. I know, he smiles and gives a peck on my lips. You did knock, I murmur at him. I know that too, he says again and grins.

We have to get up or else we will be late, I say to Sasuke. Yeah, can I borrow your clothes, he asks and I tell him to get what he wants. You know, I will wait as long as you want, he says while changing and in my heart I so hope what he says is the truth. Do not think I am lying, since I know you do, he sighs and laughs a little. I am not here with you to just to satisfy my libido, trust me on that, he says and ruffles my hair. I smile at him but it does not lift the pressure from my chest wholly. I am stupid, I know. We walk to the university chatting and now the eyes are on both of us and hell, must they think I am a whore, since this is the second time I lend my clothes to someone and now that someone is a guy.

The girls swoon over Sasuke again and I try my best to ignore it. He looks a bit bothered by the girls' antics and it makes me smile somehow. Naruto, wait up, he shouts as I am already walking towards the lecture hall. He huffs because of running and I really have to keep my laughter at bay. That laughter dies on my lips when I see who is standing beside the lecture hall door. I have seen her photos so I know she is Sasuke's girlfriend or was, I do not know. I do not even know what my part in this is and somehow I can totally taste the betrayal in my mouth. I am a home wrecker.

She smiles faintly at Sasuke and Sasuke, well, he looks a bit dumbfounded and surprised. Sakura, what are you doing here, he asks voice hollow as a tree trunk. I wanted to make things better again, she says and as much as I want, I cannot sense any dark or gloomy aura around her. This Sakura is sincerely trying to make everything better like I am. We just happened to pass and find the same person. He said they were over, but this does not look like "over" to me. She walks to us, hugs Sasuke and whispers that she missed him. Her fragrance fills the air and I feel like an outsider. She lets Sasuke go but not before she kisses him with her luscious lips. Shit, my chest clenches again. I do not want to see this and hell, I do not want to feel like this.

Sasuke, I am pregnant for you, she blurts out and my knees feel suddenly so weak. Does she not see me? I heard that one right from her pinkish lips. I turn around and leave for the bathroom and fuck, I vomit everything I have in my stomach and more. It just does not end this torture of mine and finally I end up throwing up blood when there is nothing else to offer to the toilet bowl. My hands shake, my shirt is bloody and legs mushy. I have to gather myself, I need to get up and leave. NOW. Nothing happens. Do not cry, do not fucking cry!!! I yell at myself, but the tears still come and burn my eyes, burn my cheeks. I curl up in a ball on the bathroom floor and stay there, I just hope this shivering ends.

The door gets ripped open and Sasuke stands by the door. His face is sweaty, he must have run here. Naruto, his voice sounds like an echo. He rushes to my side and pulls my head on to his lap. Do not do this, please, please, he cries and I smile faintly saying that everything is alright. Then I pass out. I wake up in a hospital room and I recognize the smell. Shit, it is Dr. Amelia. Hello, Naruto, she says with her uptight voice. Someone is waiting for you in the hallway, she says and leaves the room. God, I hate her.

Sasuke steps into the room looking tired and miserable. He takes a chair and comes to sit next to my bed. So, you are going to be one happy family, I blurt out even though I do not mean to sound so angry. I do not know, he sighs and covers his face with his hands. I do not know anything anymore, he continues. I know that this cannot go on like this, I know that for sure, I say back at him, but he does not answer. Maybe love is supposed to kill before it can heal…I whisper sadly.

Thank you for being there when I needed you the most, I am not afraid anymore…not so much at least, I smile stupidly. So, you go and take your life back…we were something that happen from time to time at university, let us call it curiosity, I say to him even though the words burn my throat. He looks at me with red and puffy eyes and merely nods. This is a goodbye, I know it. He stands up and leaves the room but his fragrance never does.

When I get out of the hospital, Dr. Amelia hands me lots of pills in plastic bottles. Do not play hero, she says and I am on my own again. I smile at her and take my leave. When I find the nearest dumpster I throw that paper bag full of those purple things into it. Then I go home confidently; I need fresh air, fresh people and freshness in its every form. As I step inside I decide to leave this place. I pack my things and everything I do not need I leave behind. Maybe I come back someday to meet Sasuke's kid…maybe he will look just like Sasuke.

Everything happened so fast that my mind has hard time keeping track of everything. Yesterday, today…maybe they were all signs for me to change this; tools for my reincarnation. Maybe. I sit on the train station not really knowing where to go, since there is no place for me. Every time I get reassurance that everything is alright, it will be fucked up as soon as possible. The story of my life. So maybe I should just take the first train from here and hope it will not explode or something like that. Although now it does not seem such a bad option either.

Could she not just have said it a little bit sooner so that I would not have had fallen in love with Sasuke? So I would not feel like shit right now and would not have to fight the urge to peel my skin off. I remember the guy who took LSD, our dear "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and then got hallucinations. The guy thought he was an orange and peeled his skin off. I do feel like that orange and I am not high nor under medication. The latter I should be, but then again, who actually cares. I do, a voice says next to me huffing. I know yet again that I did not say it out loud. I know what you are thinking, the voice continues and the familiar scent fills my nostrils. Why is daddy hanging out with the lowlife here, I ask sarcastically. I cannot be the father, Sasuke says with stern voice. Oh, did I hear her wrong, I say mockingly. You moron, when you are not under the meds you tongue is fucking sharp, he sighs. Meet the real thing, I murmur.

I am not that dumb in maths that I cannot count…I have not seen Sakura for over a year now, so that means she has actually cheated on me, he groans. Well, you are no better fondling me, I grunt back. That is a whole different thing, he huffs. Suuureee, I say and close my eyes. I so would like to beat you up now, you know that…he sighs again but with a grin I can sense even though I do not see it. As I was saying, I am willing to wait for you, so do not run away like you always do, he continues. Easy for you to say…when your mind gets into that state in which it rapes you inside your head, please remember to say to that demon a hi from me, I grunt and stand up. The train stops and the door opens slowly. Just as I am about to leave, Sasuke grabs my sleeve and pulls me into an embrace. Introduce me to that demon inside you and I will make sure I crack his arse in half, he mumbles in my hair.

**Comments? Thoughts?**


	6. Chapter 6

Well, this time around I wanted try out a little bit longer and angstier story with actual connections to real life. Hmm, my inspiration was my dearest friend, who is my everything. I hope you do enjoy this one and feel that crushing feeling too so that in the end you can be set free. FEEL THIS. Hopefully you will share your thoughts about this one with me. I sound so depressing…haha. 

Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER SASUNARU/NARUSASU STORIES TOO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

**Pairing**: Sasuke x Naruto

**Summary**: Pain, painkillers, loneliness and then that someone sat next to you. You did not want him there, but needed him to support you even if it hurt. Naruto, are you able trust Sasuke - trust that he will carry you no matter what? SasuNaru, M for SEX

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).

I giggle slightly and let him warm me with his body heat. In your words, stay, he practically orders. Maybe just a little bit longer, I reply and he takes me by the hand. So, what are we now? I ask him. What are we supposed to be, he asks me back. So, you just prevented me from leaving for…for what actually? I ask him. Well, I was kind of hoping you would come to my place and I could fuck you senseless, he grins and tightens his hold on my hand. Yeah, right…I mumble back and he laughs hard. I did not have any plan, I just did not want you to leave, he says to me. You are not being coherent, I sigh and he smiles again. How about the first step, he asks me with a slight playfulness in his voice. The first what…and he presses his lips against mine.

They taste like lip balm and are so warm. My toes curl up in my shoes and I almost melt into that kiss. Relax, he breathes into my mouth and I let the stiffness float out of my body. Come, he smiles and I let him lead me all the way to his house. You really stopped the medication, huh, he asks again without asking and I merely nod. What does that mean, he continues while pouring us tea. Hard time for you, I grin and he pouts. Is this a date, I ask curiously. Maybe, he says facing the shelves and not me. So, are we like dating then, I continue my row of questions. Maybe, he says again and I am not wiser than I was before. Say it, I order. Say what, he asks while looking at me dubiously. You might read thoughts, but hell, I cannot do that, I then say.

The hell with it, Sasuke sighs and kneels before me. My sweet honey bunny Naruto Uzumaki, please go out with me and let me have my way with you, he pleads half jokingly. You know, praying will not help, I sigh in turn and he crawls to me. Get up, I say, but he just asks if he can rest his head on my lap. Sure, I smile and brush his hair with my fingers. Want to stay over, he whispers from my lap and I smile. Good, he answers although I did not give any direct answer yet again. I think I might love you, yeah, definitely, he smiles and buries his head into my lap. He pulls me into an embrace and I slide along the chair to the ground. You smell good, he keeps whispering and I sink into his tender hold. Sasuke gives little butterfly kisses to my neck and breathes warm air so that it sends shivers down my spine. You taste good too, he mumbles, but I am already a puddle of mud and goo dripping from between his fingers.

Is it okay if you stay with me tonight, he asks almost pleadingly. I bury myself deeper into him as if I am giving myself to him and he squeezes so tight that my veins are about to pop out - not that I would mind…not at all. Sasuke stands up and lifts me up to his arms carrying me softly and lovingly into the bedroom. I can feel his body move against mine as he walks. Sasuke lays me down on the mattress and pushes the blanket further so that I am lying there comfortably. He moves next to me and pulls the blanket over us. His now warm hands roam around under the blanket feeling me up, stroking my skin and his lips seek mine. In the total darkness I push my lips against his and it feels like the whole room is lighted with magic.

We move closer to one another so that there is no empty space between us, just a little bit clothes and sweat. We do not have to do anything, he whispers again, but I shut his lips roughly with mine. Slowly but surely we start to remove our clothes and they drop with different kinds of sounds on to the floor. Not so long after we are both completely naked and we both feel shy; underneath the blanket it is hot and almost steamy. It feels as if we are both doing this for the first time and we are too shy to see and be seen under the other's eyes. Sasuke smiles and strokes the loose hair from his face. They have grown again, he laughs and I keep silently watching him.

Sasuke moves closer to me and places his hands over my chest. Then those hands start to glide over my skin and his lips seek my neck licking it, making it tingle. His hands pull me tightly against his body and I can feel every nook and curve on it. I feel his member rising and lowering alongside his breathing. Suddenly my breathing gets heavy too, as his hands seek their way downwards. Sasuke's palm rests on my manhood and begins to move with carefulness creating indescribable friction. My breathing becomes more ragged and my hands seek his crotch and mimic his movements. The air is full of moisture and the sensation climbs the latter to heaven and I am afraid I may break the roof too soon.

Sasuke's hands retort and he dives inside the blanket. Suddenly I feel a wet tongue ravish the skin down there until the hot mouth of his engulfs my organ completely. My throat lets out a weird groan and my muscles cramp for nothing has ever felt so good. I shiver without consent from my brain but I cannot help it. I let the heat eat me up in little pieces and Sasuke's hands tickle my inner thighs. Before I reach the end of the magnificent road he stops and appears before me from beneath the blanket. He holds himself up with his hands and lies on top of me without suffocating me with his weight. His smile lights up the whole room and his mouth and the corners of it are wet from saliva and my precum. I raise my hand to cup his cheek, but he turns his head and kisses it while keeping his eyes closed.

I move my hands on to his back and pull him against me, his groin grinding against mine. He keeps moving against me and it gives birth to flames in different corners of my body. Sasuke huffs and I watch him with content heart, my breathing as ragged as his. I spread my legs wide enough keeping my eyes on his. Sasuke settles into the best position and moves his member before my entrance. His manhood feels warm and pulsating against the sensitive skin around my hole. Slowly but surely he begins to push inside me, inch by inch. First it feels as if I am not in my own body but looking from up above. Then his organ hits the first tight spot and my legs start to tremble because it feels I might break apart. Sasuke shushes and pulls out a little so that my legs can relax again.

After awhile Sasuke continues and with a little faster move pushes himself almost completely inside me and my whole nerve system explodes because of the tormenting pain. The tears roll down my cheeks, but I am too exhausted to open my mouth to scream. Sasuke strokes me and kisses me easing the pain with tenderness and love that travels on my skin. The pain begins to fade away and we do not move, just breathe and stay like that. Then he starts to move slowly and it does not feel that bad anymore. I even begin to respond to his movements with my own. Sasuke throws the blanket off of the bed and I can clearly see his beautiful figure and muscles that tense and loosen in turns. His hair is damp and sticking to his face making me smile. Every time he pushes in and pulls out I get almost a feeling of climax.

Sasuke moves faster and faster and the friction between us just grows more enormous. He pushes deeper hitting my prostate and I squirm under him. He keeps pounding that same spot over and over again until I cannot take it anymore. My twitching member bursts a white sticky liquid all over my stomach and the pillow. My head falls back and soon Sasuke comes too with a hoarse groan that echoes in the room. He huffs hard and rides the last waves of his orgasm in me. The liquid courses through my body heating it up even more. Sasuke pulls out and rolls over next to me still holding me and I feel so utterly safe. His semen drips from me making my thighs sticky, but I do not mind.

Sasuke lays his head on my shoulder and plants a kiss to my neck. We curl up in a ball that is just us and his skin feels so soft against mine. Can I take it that you are mine now, he whispers from underneath his bangs. Yeah, I whisper softly back and I know he is smiling although I do not see it. You can fall…I will catch you every time, he mumbles and just as hazily I answer something back. I love you, I whisper and he squeezes me in a thanking manner. I love you too, but you already knew that, he whispers gently back. The moon shines brightly and we let it lullaby us to sleep. It is so much easier to keep on going with someone whom you can trust, whom you love and cherish…my best friend, Sasuke, my life is yours. So, can I keep your life all to myself too? Always, he answers sleepily and I know again I did not ask anything out loud.

**This is the last chapter; comments, thoughts? :D**


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